Bad Choices

Publish Date: April 6, 2007

Dear Dr. Tracy,

I am a 33 year old divorced woman with four kids. I was married for 12 years and I have been divorced for approximately 3 years. I met my new boyfriend during my divorce. We hit it off and have been together ever since. He is a 44 year old divorced man. When I met him he had been divorced for 2 years. Well, I met his ex-wife and she seemed to be an okay person. What I found out 3 months into my relationship with him was that he was fooling around with his ex-wife again-- who also at this time had a boyfriend of her own. I figured that since I did not have a committed relationship with him, I had no place to say anything. The problem is it continued further into our relationship, up to the point when I found out I was pregnant. At the same time I found out that he and his ex-wife planned to go to his family reunion together. Of course before all of this, I drove by his house one night and saw her car parked outside his home. The excuse I got after all of this was that they were considering getting back together. I thought it was very funny that as soon as she met me, she found interest in him again.

I guess my issue is the fact that now I am still in this relationship. I have brought a child into this nonsense and I hate the fact that he keeps in contact with her. My boyfriend has taken responsibility for her son from a previous relationship. His excuse for having so much contact with his ex-wife is because of that boy. I know this is not true but I have no real proof otherwise. I have also dealt with him taking women to hotels and my gut tells me it was her, but he promises it was not her.

I have tried to get over all the cheating. I know that she is very close to his family and I also know that his family does not like me because I stand up for myself. I guess the bottom line is knowing how much contact his ex-wife has with him and the fact that he knows I can’t stand her. Am I in a weird relationship with a man that wants to have his cake and eat it too? Or am I being paranoid and need to trust him when he says he does not want her. I have never had so much animosity towards two people in my life. I do love this man, but I feel like I have put myself back in an unhealthy relationship with a man that is trying to lie to me.

To be totally honest, now that I have his child I even hate the fact that he helps her son. She never has to ask for anything regarding that boy, but I have to constantly remind him when our son needs something. He does it for the other boy without thinking, but my son is a second thought even when I have said, “Look at your son. He is in dire need”. I was married to a cheating man and hooked up with another cheating man. I wonder if it’s just my bad choices in men.