For many of us, the emotions holding the tightest grip on our hearts are disappointment, resentment, blame and anger. They place a stranglehold on our happiness, and the only person who can release them is you.

对我们很多人来说，严密控制着我们心灵的情绪是失望、不满、指责和愤怒。它们把持着我们的幸福，唯一可以释放它们的人是你自己。

Here are four steps to help you forgive.

这里有四步来帮助你宽恕他人。

1. Understand why someone acts the way they do. Perhaps the most important tool and first step in forgiveness is to understand "why" someone acts the way they do. Take your parents, for example. It’s helpful to go back and objectively look at their early childhood. Imagine what their childhood, parents and home environment was like. What do you know? What have you heard? What can you infer? Do some basic sleuthing to uncover or imagine why a person (partner, colleague, parent) may have certain defense mechanisms (narcissism, defensiveness, aggression, depression, etc.) or personality traits.

1.理解为什么有些人会这样行为。也许最重要的工具以及宽恕的第一步是了解“为什么”有人会这样行为。以你的父母为例。回顾和客观地看待他们的童年早期是有用的。想象一下他们童年、父母和家庭环境的样子。你知道些什么?你听说了什么?你能推断出什么?做一些基本的侦查去发现或想象为什么一个人(合作伙伴、同事、家长)可能有一定的防御机制(自恋、防御、攻击、抑郁等)或个性特征。

2. Feel and express your emotions. We can’t heal what we can’t feel. This may mean digging up long-held or buried emotions from the past, your childhood or right now. Our past pain affects (and in many ways creates) our current upsets. Until we fully release the emotions held in our bodies, they continue to affect our present mindset -- creating tension in the body-mind and even leading to illness.

2.感受并表达你的情绪。我们不能治愈我们感觉不到的东西。这可能意味着从过去、你的童年或现在挖掘出长期埋藏的情绪。我们过去的疼痛影响(和在许多方面创造了)我们目前的沮丧。直到我们完全释放身体里藏着的情绪，否则他们会继续影响我们目前的思维——营造紧张的身心，甚至会憋出病来。

3. Rebuild safety. Once you have adequately expressed your emotions, create new boundaries for yourself within the relationship. This may mean you no longer see the person, end the relationship or establish new guidelines.

3.重建安全感。一旦你已经充分表达了你的情绪，在这段关系内为自己创造新的边界线。这可能意味着你不再见这个人、结束这段感情或者建立新的指导原则。

4. Let go. Fully letting go of a past transgression and completely forgiving may take many months or years. Imagine the process of letting go like a labyrinth or a mandala -- spiraling around and around a center point. You may have a phase of feeling better and then realize that you are still grieving or angry. This is natural. The soul does not heal on linear time. Give yourself space. Be patient. True healing happens on the quantum, spiritual plane. Ask for help. Get quiet, mindful and pray to let go. It will happen.

4.放手。完全放开过去的罪过并完全原谅可能需要数月或数年。想象放手的这个过程就像迷宫或曼荼罗——螺旋绕着一个中心点。你可能有个阶段感觉到好点，然后意识到你仍然悲伤或愤怒。这是自然的。灵魂在线性时间上不能痊愈。给自己空间。要有耐心。真正的治愈发生在量子上，精神层面。请求帮助。安静下来，用心祈祷放手。它将会发生。